Aries - The Ram. Can we say annoying? And did I mention full of themselves? They talk too much and think they are far more important than they really are. They can get downright nasty if they don't get their own selfish way, they will swear at you and call you names. They are egotistical and in general overly aggressive. The perpetual salesman. They are the type to be always trying to sell you something. They think their jokes are funny - but they're the only one laughing.
Taurus - The Bull. Crazy, slow, stupid, will be in and out of jail their whole life. Think chasing someone around with a knife crazy or trying to push their mother down the stairs type of crazy. Will steal your personal pictures that will end up thrown in the garbage the next time they go to jail; when their family converts what used to be their room into a den. They won't need it though, because when they get out of jail they'll only end up back in.
Gemini - The twins. Also known for their split personalities. And their annoying ability to talk your ear off about just about any topic. These folks just never shut up! They've been known to (gasp) outright lie and fabricate entire scenarios especially when it comes to fidelity. So, watch your significant other if there is a gemini around and if you are already married to one, then, my condolences to you. You'll know a gemini when you see one by the way their eyes shift around the room, like they are looking for their next victim.
Cancer - the crab. Cancer is known to be, well, cheap. Well, I wouldn't say cheap but they are frugal, economical, careful with their money. Ok, they're cheap. I have a Cancer friend who will call me and invite me out for coffee and they always 'forget' their wallet. I always end up paying, everytime! I know they do this on purpose because they invited me! Cancers are sometimes crabby. They typically do not hold their emotions back and let you have it full force, if you have upset them. Even if you haven't, they will tell you everything about what is upsetting them and you will hear about every little thing that is annoying them.
Leo - The Lion. Selfish, selfish, selfish, mean, jealous, nasty, Leo's put even the most evil tyrant to shame. Catty, petty, they lie and steal and will not hesitate to take advantage of any situation they possibly can. Very manipulative. Gossipy little back stabbers. They cannot keep a secret, don't tell them anything you wouldn't shout from the rooftops. They are mean little kitties. When you see one, run! They will try to scratch and bite you.
Virgo - The Virgin. They certainly are not! And don't get any ideas! Virgo is defintely very OCD. Obsessive compulsive disorder. Lazy, weird and very creepy. This is the skulking, stalking behind trees and bushes type. They will examine and re-examine their car for 20 minutes for any new scratches before they get in it, while you are waiting for a ride from them; driving yourself and anyone else in the immediate vacinity completely and totally crazy. They are psycho's, stay away from them!
Libra - The Scales. There is nothing balanced about these freaks that chase after everything that moves. Do not trust them, if you do, you will be sorry. They are total pigs! They are complete and total liars and fabricators will try to lie to you and use you every chance they get. Don't believe a word they say. They only appear to be charming, don't be fooled. They are really only out for themselves at the expense of everyone else.
Scorpio - Dark, quiet, serial killerish. Think Pink Floyd on LSD. You never know what's behind those eyes. Scorpio is out to experience, anything and everything. They have a mind of their own which they don't often share; as it is a dark, leaky and scary basement occupied by demons. Control freak! Warning! Scorpio's have to control everything and try to control everyone around them. Scorpio definetly has gay tendencies and thoughts. Scorpio's shouldn't be allowed to have children.
Sagittarious - Hilarious - they think they are anyway. But really they are just retarded and horny. They will act all holier than thou and then go out the next night and cheat on you, just for the fun of it. Then they will call you up and ask you to come and pick up your leather bra you left at their house (except) you don't and never did own a leather bra. Mr or Mrs happy-go-lucky on something that you've never even heard of.
Capricorn - Sexist, oppressive, regimented, disciplinarian. Think - the 'you're in the army now' type. Cheap. Shallow. 0% compassion or understanding. Simple, yet hard minded. Not above using underhanded tactics to further their own ends. Quite narrow minded. Don't leave your purse unattended when they're around - they'll lighten your load - that goes for Libra too. Watch your cash and better think fast with them around.
Aquarius - the Water Bearer. Not exactly southern comfort. Don't expect to be able to comfortably cry on their shoulder. They will immediately call the white coats and try to have you committed for being human. They watch far too much TV and would beat you down for the remote if you even thought about touching it. They can't keep secrets that they'd like to keep to themselves.
Pisces - The fishes. Wishy washy - complete and total pushovers. You can get anything you want out of a Pisces, but you better play your cards right, they have legendary antennae. Loner, usually quite in their own little lala land or their brain is off in space somewhere and they're usually quite geeky. They are just like chameleons, one minute you see them the next you don't because they blend so effortlessly into the crowd. Nasty bad little Einsteins.